she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
