yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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