What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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