So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
