Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How's work?
Spinning.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
