I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
