so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
