I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
