just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
did you just send me my own nude
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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