I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
