she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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