I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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