I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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