If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
