She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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