why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
