Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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