yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
