At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
