i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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