Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
