I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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