i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize