Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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