felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
