when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
