a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
