The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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