I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
