I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
