im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
