If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize