You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
