he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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