Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
