girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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