how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
