I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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