i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
