he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
