My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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