Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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