Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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