apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
