he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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