Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you win again, gameday.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
