so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
