you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
