saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you would pick up someone in the library
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
