You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
