I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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