Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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