I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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