More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
