If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
