More tranny stories later!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
