I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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