I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
