I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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