Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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