Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
