Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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