Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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