dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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