On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
