omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
