I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
