He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
