If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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