you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
