Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
