I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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