Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
