I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
